Chikin' Steve
by Deaf Blood
Summary: Hello there! Having some unhealthy problems in your holo-digestion? Do you eat junk all the time? Don't worry, because Steve McQwark has the perfect solution! - Rated T for cursing and innuendos.


"Hey you, Lombax!"

Ratchet looked into the viewer.

"Uhh..." He started. "What?"

"Are you tired of feeding yourself with all those pathetic holo-digestive sweets for consumption...?"

"Well, actually they are kinda healt-OOF!" He said, but then an out-of-nowhere hand slapped him. "Hey!"

"Act in character!" Qwark whispered.

"Oohh, yeah, righhtt... Sure, they are kinda bad... what's your point?" He said, not even trying to pretend he was actually mocking him, but it would be completely unnoticed... for Qwark, at least.

"My point is that you don't need these to feed yourself, Lombax!" He said, with hands throwing the table with food away.

"Dude, what the fu-"

"That's why you need to try my newest piece of appetizer to let all your tummy problems go away! I, Steve... Mc... Qwark? Yeah! I, Steve McQwark, introduce to you, the Chicken Steve!"

"Um, partner, that's just an ordinary chicken stew packet with your face in-" Some guy started.

"Shut up!" He yelled, throwing the stew at him, with an "OW!" being heard off-screen. "Oh, what was I saying?"

"I was saying that THE Chicken Steve is extremely good for your health! So much, that your body won't even notice how much you ate!" Qwark said, with a shot at an alien eating some of the stew, making him grow in size shortly after. "Uhh, ignore this!  
That wasn't the stew! It was the pizza!"

"But vat phizzah?" The guy said, being cut off by Qwark. "It WAS a pizza! Oohh, poor little alien, that pizza could've messed with his pathetic little head! Well, what about you hear what one of our satisfied costumers have to say about MY product?"  
style="color: rgb(69, 69, 69); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 16px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.301961);" 

"Doo u evehn nyeed dat myuch emphasish on mayee..?"

"I MADE IT!"

(cut to customer!)

"Well, quite honestly, I am really interested in this product... It really makes my tummy alive and... strong-a-lot?" Clank said, reading a piece of paper that was written by Qwark, on crayon, unsurprisingly. To "disguise" himself, he was wearing  
a Charlie Taplin -ish hat. "What in the name of Prvus is this? Robots can't ea-"

"See? He's incredibly happy about MY stew!" Qwark said, when in fact, Clank was cursing... censored, of course, it was TV!

"So, what are you waiting for? Currently, this product is only costing 420 bolts...!" Qwark said, before briefly stopping after he heard the cameraman giggling. "...what?"

"Don't let these unhealthy foods ruin your life, like what happened with my pal right here!" He said, with Ratchet by his side.

"But I'm perfectly fin-" Ratchet was cut off.

"Oh, what a pity! But don't worry, with the Chicken Steve, you will feel much better!"

"But it tastes like shi-"

"It tastes absolutely good, like my friend was saying right here!"

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH, YOU STEVE MCPIECE-OF-SHIT!" Ratchet, losing his temper, jumped right in Qwark, trying to beat him up.

"Aaah! Help! Ratchet is trying to exterminate me! And my chin!" He yelled in horror. "Oh, and don't forget to- OW! To buy my Chicken Steve! It's- ARGH! It's Qwarktastic! CUT! RATCHEET!"

And then the screen went black. Qwark then turned into the four men that were from a holo-vision company, who were looking with their jaws open.

"Soo... what did you think, sir?" He said, nervously smiling at the company's president. Qwark still had the eyepatch resultant from the commercial's incident with Ratchet.

"Well, Mr. McQwark, that was... That was the most utter piece of trash I ever watched in my entire life in this company! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"But I cautiously checked my chin for any marks..." He mumbled.

"You're hired!" The president said, with Qwark squeeing right after.

-/-

So this is my first fanfic attempt on Ratchet and Clank, and at an commercial fanfic of sorts... Sorry if it was criminally short, it's just that I was having a mental block... I hope it's nice enough... Reviews are welcome.


End file.
